Goth By Numbers

January 28, 2009

Long ago, in a suburb far far away……

There were goths.

And ravers.

And a few fused into gravers, but they were systematically wiped out in the great fashion wars. Let us never speak of them again.

So, in that far off suburb there is a mall. And in that mall there is a store. This store controls the alt fashion trends, it lords over its subjects with an iron cash register. That stores name, was hot topic

I want you now to look into the past, and remember how it was in the 90’s. The internet was dial up, the only way to really discover new alt fashion was to read this, and let’s be frank, it was seven kinds of fail. Districts like Melrose, Haight, South St, Camden, and Harajuku were far and foreign to us little suburban kittens. And then, there was Hot Topic. It was close, it was easy. It introduced us to Lip Service, Morbid Threads, Serious, and many other brands I would later mock persistently. 

Please do not misunderstand my words, Hot Topic was always terrible, but at least for a short while it was tolerable. But now, it has gone too far.

Over the last several years we have watched this leisurely evolution: band t-shirt – black velvet peasant dress – over sized raver pants – Invader Zim – punk rock leopard print – Afro Ken – and now this…

BEHOLD!!! Hipster pink vomit tutuzilla. 

And it gets so much better. Did you know that you can DIY your insipid wardrobe??!! Let Hot Topic show you dull-witted cretins the way!

I can put patches on my jean jacket??!!!

Tearing jeans is…….. cool??!!!!

T-shirts can be altered!!??

What more can be said. I know that I cannot say anymore, as my head hurts far too much from looking at their website. If you never see another SC post, you’ll know it was because I suffered a massive cerebral hemorrhage.


  1. I know a lot of goths and I just recently realised what the difference is between ‘real goths’ and ‘people who dress as goths’: there is no difference.

    This is the best Hot Topic

  2. Gothic Beauty in the 90s? I’m pretty sure it started later than that. You’re forgetting Propaganda Magazine, which actually had some decent photos (and models) back in the day.

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