Archive for February, 2009

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Style Gestapo: It’s Slinky!

February 27, 2009

The fourth installment of hair extension week in which I relive childhood memories where things walk down stairs, alone or in pairs…..

IT MAKES A SLINKATY SOUND…

There is something I must know, and this is essential. What mad company produces the mini slinkys for these hair falls? Is there really such a demand for cyber locks that an actual company would put these things into production? And in every fluorescent color under the sun? It is truly, one of life’s great mysteries. 

These accessories frighten me. 

They frighten me because if you were to push one of these girls off a building, they would go-go gadget bounce to safety. 

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Let Us Welcome Our Robotic Hair Overlords

February 25, 2009

Sometimes it’s good to take a quick break from the snark, and give a peek at something remarkable. 

Bask in the sight that is the sovereign robots of Gisli Ari Hafsteinsson.

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Style Gestapo: The Tragic Plastics

February 25, 2009

The third installment of hair extension week in which some of you should be ashamed. 

THE PLASTICS

Of all the extension catastrophes, the stringy plastic hair falls have to be the least attractive.  It looks like they raided a summer camp craft closet. This video will show you step by step, a much better use for your hairtastrophes. 

Hey! The children want their lanyard materials back! 

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Style Gestapo: Save The Sheep!

February 24, 2009

The second installment of hair extension week, in which I make people I don’t care about dislike me further. 

 

THE WOOL HAIRED ANIME ESCAPISTS

I would love to meet the inventor of wool dreads so I can personally extend my thanks. Now I can literally mop the floor with a bigmouth bitch. Empty threats are a thing of the past.

Is there a secret portal connecting the anime world with ours? Like in the film ‘Cool World’? I can’t imagine where else these big haired wonders came from.

If you see an old lady creeping up on you, run! She might have a loom. 

 

 

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Style Gestapo: Remove The Hair Falls And No One Gets Hurt

February 23, 2009

Welcome to hair extension week! The week where I make internet cyber twits weep fluorescent tears. 

This article has plagued me for weeks. How could I precisely express the hate I feel for the yarn heads, the fraggles, and the cyber tarts? There’s a ton of ground to cover on this subject, so we best get started quickly.

THE CYBER TART SYNTH DOLLS

I shall be the first to admit that I have worn synth dreads, but I never had the intention of becoming the live version of Cyber Girl Barbie.  There is a right way and a dumb way to wearing synth dreads, and i must say, 90% of you look like idiots (or maybe a smaller-headed version of a Bratz doll). 

Let us review a few of the examples..

Top Left: Lazy eye cyber bee girl, why do you exist? By the way you are glowing, the many radioactive symbol tattoos I’m positive you have must surely be warnings of the intense radiation diffusing from your hair. 

Middle Left: Little Bo Peep Lolita, you must be keeping your sheep inside your hair. Let’s hope you never get rained on, I doubt you could support the weight of your hair wet. 

Bottom Right: I have no qualms with you, you look a’ight. Good for you

 

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The Curse Of Spring

February 20, 2009

As a lover of the sun, I am glad to see winter begin its annual retreat. 

Or at least, I was…

Then I saw the latest winter lines from TPHS. It seems that i shall now have to spend the rest of the year in temperate zones in order to wear this jacket.

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Flappers Of The Future

February 20, 2009

Designer Lanvin is producing pure fashion eye-porn.

I sense a new fashion direction happening in my closet….