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Style Gestapo: Remove The Hair Falls And No One Gets Hurt

February 23, 2009

Welcome to hair extension week! The week where I make internet cyber twits weep fluorescent tears. 

This article has plagued me for weeks. How could I precisely express the hate I feel for the yarn heads, the fraggles, and the cyber tarts? There’s a ton of ground to cover on this subject, so we best get started quickly.

THE CYBER TART SYNTH DOLLS

I shall be the first to admit that I have worn synth dreads, but I never had the intention of becoming the live version of Cyber Girl Barbie.  There is a right way and a dumb way to wearing synth dreads, and i must say, 90% of you look like idiots (or maybe a smaller-headed version of a Bratz doll). 

Let us review a few of the examples..

Top Left: Lazy eye cyber bee girl, why do you exist? By the way you are glowing, the many radioactive symbol tattoos I’m positive you have must surely be warnings of the intense radiation diffusing from your hair. 

Middle Left: Little Bo Peep Lolita, you must be keeping your sheep inside your hair. Let’s hope you never get rained on, I doubt you could support the weight of your hair wet. 

Bottom Right: I have no qualms with you, you look a’ight. Good for you

 

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6 comments

  1. While I am sure there will be some backlash against this I am very glad you posted this. I spy 4 examples here that are far too similar in shape and style. Some people just don’t realize that when you try too hard to be different you just end up looking the same, it has to happen organically, you cannot force it.

    Every-time I go to a club or show there is inevitably a cadre of girls with a seizure inducing number of colors in their hair as well as bad yarn and ribbon accents – that have gone too far out of their way to color code everything else in their makeup and wardrobe to their hair (sadly – usually neon green). About 1 out of ten can pull it off well and with style and dignity, and this rarity is usually old enough to have grown out of the major trend whoring.

    Additionally there is a certain attitude of individuality and confidence that helps, much like men and hats. Some men can wear a hat well and with style, others just look like the hat is wearing them.


  2. Luke, I would say your comment about the hat wearing them thing can also be said to apply to this hair. They look more like the hair wears them rather than they have their hair in a style.

    Red haired beauty in lower right is gorgeous 🙂


  3. I’ll have to agree about the red haired girl on the bottom right, she pulls it off with class, just needs to lose the goggles – another terrible cliche


  4. I really like them curly ones, but I digress. After I took one set of dread extensions out some girl at the clubs said, “oh I really can’t talk to you now since you don’t have dreads..” To which I died of laughter cause you can imagine she looked like quite a few of these girls. The biggest problem with that scene was the lack of creativity, we’ll just glob onto whatever picture of some london girl we can find and try to emulate it as close as we can. Such a shame for an alternative culture where being unique and expressing yourself is what it was about at least a bit of it anyways.

    As with anything there are people who get it and those who don’t. Hopefully it’s a matter of time before they find their way.


  5. Even though everyone is commenting about the colors/style/etc. the girls in these pictures are at least WEARING the falls correctly! I think a whole blog could be written about the ways NOT to wear hair falls. Ahem! Please wear falls ON TOP of your head! 🙂


  6. some hair extensions fit nicely to the your natural hair while others do not fit easily .~.



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