Posts Tagged ‘SNARK’

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Litar Luggage

October 30, 2009

 

When it comes to purse searching, I feel adrift in a sea of hopelessness. Most purses are, to put it simply, extremely dull. Your insipid bags and jejune clutches bore me to tears.

A quick interruption! What is the deal with clutches? It seems like the worst idea on planet fashion. I know, I shall place all my important belongings into a tiny purse with no strap or handle, and be made to carry the damn thing all night around the discotheque. It seems unbelievably easy to lose. It also fails as a sensible zombie deflector, without the strap I doubt you could build the momentum to knock them down.

To continue, purses are dullsville, yadda yadda.

Until now! From the Ukraine with lots of love, Litarbags has released these remarkable marvels.

 

Now THIS is worthy of my arm. Why has it taken so long for this sandworm larvae bag to be birthed into existence? This company definitely has my seal of approval. I’m sure that if all the bags were made in black, the girls over at Corn On The Macabre would be all over this.

 

More bags after the jump!

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Cowl In Fear

July 8, 2009

Remember Steamcunt’s article about skin care? Well, if you missed it,  it was exceptional. 

Some may not have found the article so helpful. For those of you doomed to permanent skin purgatory, I offer this advice……

Cowl neck garments are so in right now. Just go ask Rick Owens, he’s got your back. Goth ninjas gotta hide somehow……

Forma Aislada~ Paco Peregrin

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Tactical Error

June 22, 2009

Recently, there has been an abundance of reviews concerning this corset. Here at Stylecunt, we feel it our duty to give you our own review. What follows is another conversation between Steamcunt and Stylecunt concerning the Tactical Corsets……

 

Picture 1

 

 

Steamcunt: Let’s examine this.

1. Corsets are intended to make you look thinner.

The Tactical Corset straps a bunch of shit to your midsection, completely obliterating the intended silhouette. 

 

Stylecunt: I can already sense that this idea is going to spiral out of control, and send the alt majority five years backwards in fashion. 

It reminds me of those velcro suits people wear.

Then fling themselves into walls.

 

Steamcunt: The garment is a study in self-defeat.

2. Corsets squeeze and bind your torso.  This defines them as corsets.  A garment that does not constrict is not a corset.

By definition, a corset is impractical.  Wearing it in any sort of practical situation, particularly one dealing with potential physical harm is, at best, mind-bogglingly stupid.

 

Stylecunt: It apparently works for vampires.

 

Steamcunt: That’s a good example, actually.

That corset was so badly-fit that it was flapping around Beckinsale.

Because otherwise she would not be able to MOVE.

 

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Lip Service: The Fail 2009 Line (Part 2)

June 18, 2009

Welcome to the exciting sequel to Part one of my review of Lip Service’s 2009 Fall line. 

LOST VELVET EMPIRE

 

Velvet empire, methinks you should have stayed lost. After fashion broke up with you in the late 70’s, we really never expected you to surface again. But if we ever need an outfit for a ‘Little Lord Faulteroy Gone Wrong’ party, we’ll let you know. 

Also, circular cameo on the back? Where have I seen that before……
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Lip Service: The Fail 2009 Line (Part 1)

June 14, 2009

Sit on down kiddies, it’s time to talk about our old friend Lip Service. 

In an attempt to make fashion fail drones feel special, Lip Service has recently started offering a ‘pre-order’ service. This allows you to stake your claim on the upcoming season before it hits the stores. The fail, I mean Fall line is already up, and it seems that black credit cards everywhere are melting from overuse (some styles have already sold out it seems). 

I’m sure that on the first day of school, your little friends Spooky and Sider will clutch their lunchbox purses tightly to their chests and gasp as you stroll by in your latest Lip Service duds. 

So what has Lip Service cooked up for us this time? I’m sure that the flurry of new silhouettes and fabrics will knock the snark right out of my mouth. I, for sure, am going to be told. 

 

RETURN OF THE THUNDERDOME

Hey look! It some sort of burner/gypsy/circus/goth fashion fusion. I have certainly never seen anything like that before

I would really, really love to know how exactly this is Thunderdome? Is it meant to mean that the old Lip Service Thunderdome line has ‘returned’ from rehab? Usually, I would complain if they just recycled an old line, but if this the best they could come up with, give me the old stuff any day. At least it had a neat little flight cap, it went perfectly with my biplane. 

I know that when I’m fighting to the death on a bungee cord, goth gypsy school girl is definitely the look to strike fear into the heart of one’s opponent. The hide-the-belly zipper top is key. 

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The Beastly Burners

May 15, 2009

Y’know what’s fun?

Burningman. 

Y’know what’s not fun?

Burner fashion. 

Neon colors, fuzzy fabric, polyurethane, and cheap spandex are just a few examples of the eyesore that is burner garb. It wouldn’t be so terrible if the monstrosities just emerged on the playa, and then went back into the shed for the rest of the year, but alas, I can hardly remember a night out that wasn’t tarnished by encountering a neon fashion mess. 

It’s a fashion plot worthy of an evil genius. Convincing thousands of hippies to cover themselves head to toe with fibers that are the exact opposite of eco-friendly. It’s hardly a surprising conspiracy. I mean, how hard can it be to convince people, who believe that partying will save the world, to dress like The Electric Mayhem? 

Normally I try to ignore this particular mania, out of sight, out of mind. Then, I came across this. From shoddy home-sewn projects to a full on assembly line of tragedy. 

Please.

Make it stop.

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The Languished Lookbook

March 18, 2009

We, the style obsessed, used to have a beautiful obsession.

That obsession, was Shoutfit.

Shoutfit was a neat little website where you and I could post photographs of our stylish togs. It was wonderfully organized. You could tag the photo all over to label every piece of your outfit, describing the brand, price, and where you acquired it. But above all, Shoutfit was wonderful because of its diversity

Unfortunately, Shoutfit died suddenly without so much as a whisper of goodbye. No warnings, the site just disappeared. 

Now, over a year later, it seems that a new website has risen to take Shoutfit’s place. 

Lookbook.

As a devoted fan of Shoutfit, when I heard about this website, I was elated with joy. Finally, a new style site I could obsess over. But I spoke too soon.

Instead of a style website, Lookbook is an interweb hangout for escapees of American Apparel sex dungeons. It’s a Mecca for camera-whore Swedish gay boys with beards, who used to be in some band that played your cousin’s party, but now just work in that used book store down the street. It’s a stomping ground for girls who wear stretch pants, a blouse found in a gutter, gold sunglasses, their grandmother’s costume jewelry, and wrap it all up with the stench of not showering for a week. 

When this is the most popular look on a style website with thousands of members, I fear for the future of fashion. 

It doesn’t help that Lookbook has decided to be an exclusive snot, as it is a ‘invitation only’ community where it’s not really important what your wearing, it’s who your wearing. 

The whole thing makes me sad. It has great potential to b an amazing style community, but trust fund brats have seen to it that we shall never see anything but images of scene kids in 70’s pajamas.